Dates and Tests

I got the call today with definite dates! Egg retrieval shall for sure be on Thursday! And looks like my Tuesday is going to be a super busy day. I have my daughter's eye doctor appointment at 8:30. And after I drop her off at school I head to my awesome RE office for our transfer!!! This is all so exciting! I better get my tests lined up and ready (yes...All 15 I couldn't help but buy early and I'm so glad I did). My surro friends say they have seen results on home tests 4-7 days after their 5 day transfer. So looks like ill be starting on the 3rd day to hopefully see progression. Fingers crossed for a big fat positive to surprise my wonderful IPs with

Estrogen Check... Check

Today I had my Estrogen check appointment. First off, I just want to say that I absolutely love my RE doctor. He is so sweet and personable. So when he walked into the room where I'm sitting on the exam table waiting for my TV ultrasound, he comes in, completely positive and in his usual good mood and says "lets check out the condo". Haha Gosh I love this guy. So now my uterus is now a condo. Awesome. I love it. Anyway, We have good news. My estrogen is at 512 and my lining is measuring in at a lovely 12.36 mm. Egg retrieval should be on Friday which means I will be lowering my estrogen patches to 2 from the current 4 and I will be stopping my lupron and starting my progesterone. Yippee. I'm excited its moving quick (not too much for the progesterone shots though). If we have retrieval on Friday, our transfer will be on next Wednesday! It's a little later than originally expected but I'd rather them take a little longer to develop than to rush for a deadline. So grow little follies, grow!

On a more personal note, on to how I FEEL. I've only really talked about seeing today through my eyes like Being John Malkovich. So here it is. I'm exhausted today. My days where I visit my most amazing RE and his wonderful team, I drive about 4 hours each way (total of 8 hours driving). And today I'm feeling very bloated. I feel as though I look pregnant when I'm not. I usually feel this way before my cycle starts, so I guess that part isn't too far off, except I feel slightly more bloated than usual. It may be a side effect to this lovely estrogen.

End of January Update

Things are falling lovily into place (yes I just made that word up and I really like it and may use it in the future). We have our estrogen check in 3 whole days! Where they will check my blood for my estrogen levels and another IV ultrasound, which I'm guessing will be checking my lining. Pretty sweet. I hear the meds are going well for the egg retrieval. Which is more amazing news. The retrieval will be after my estrogen check and if all goes to according to plan, our transfer will be on February 4th... Only 11 more days! Almost in the single digits for the count down!!

Ok so on another note I want to share how awesome my kids are for a second. My girls are 4 and 6 and they are well aware mommy is going to hold onto our IPs' baby and let him grow inside me and give him back. And even though they are a little sad we won't get to keep a baby, they understand our IPs want their baby back. So my 4 year old asks me this morning when I'm going to swallow their baby and asked me to please not chew because it could hurt the baby. And my 6 year old asks if she can stay in the hospital with me when I "poop" their baby out. Gosh I just love their innocence and sweetness. I think that's all I am sharing today

Transfer is Creeping Closer and Closer

Tomorrow I up my dose of Estrogen one last time to 4 patches before the transfer... which by the way is only 13 days away!! Last day of the "teens" countdown, and LESS than 2 weeks!! These past few weeks of having to tie up details has seemed to drag, but it seems like we are in the home stretch now. I really can't even begin to describe in words how thrilled I am. I'm hoping if our one embie sticks! Ok so since thrilled doesn't even begin to touch my enthusiasm, let me tell you... I went out and bought home pregnancy test (10 of them by the way) back in NOVEMBER! And then bought 5 more yesterday! haha yes... a bit excited to say the least! Not to mention I'm getting my maternity clothes lined up and ready to go... washed... folded... placed out in an easy to access place. I know I will not be using those for even MONTHS after the tests, but this is how excited I am. My IPs are SO ready to do this. It's just the waiting game. I don't play this game very well. I find more things to do when I have to wait. Like purchase another maternity clothing item, or another test, maybe some breast milk storage bags, maybe a maternity support belt, a new pump... (and yes all of which I have already purchased during this waiting game). If this doesn't show my enthusiasm, then I don't know what will. There's nothing wrong with being prepared right...?

So I've mentioned before I've met some lovely ladies that are cycling near me. I joined a support group in which I THOUGHT would have been where I found some cycle buddies, and maybe even some close to me. I have and there is this one (I'll call her P) that is really great and supportive and is a little ahead of me at this point. I've also met some other cycle buddies through InstaGram... Not exactly where I thought I'd meet such great ladies, but I heart them. I met some other surros/gestational carriers and some IMs themselves. This is such a wonderful moment in our lives and we are all going through it together, even though each of us has a slightly different story or experience. Even if they are just sharing their story to be able to vent it out to feel like they don't have to bottle up their joy or frustrations or dosappointments, I still love hearing about each and every one of them. As I told one earlier, we all can use more cheerleaders than debbie downers right now. This is such a complex event in all of our lives, yet it is so delicate and emotional. I get so excited to hear about progress with them, and so upset to hear bad news as well. I feel as though, in some way they are sort of like a branch of family. We will call them my "fertility family", not just my "surro sisters" because some of these lovely women do not need surros, some of them do need a surro, and some of them are surros themselves. I never thought I would feel this way about strangers, and maybe it's the hormones talking but I love this "fertility family" that is ever growing and changing. What an amazing unexpected support group of wonderful women that I have in my life. LOVE YOU ALL... you know who you are if you're reading this... PS I won't leave out my spectacular family and friends that have been amazing from day one with being supportive and interested in our journey.

So back to my journey for a second, 13 more days!!!! AHHH! And I'm sure I will be taking a test every day after transfer! EEKS! Can't wait... ok so I can wait for the intramuscular shots, but when that time comes, I'll just have to put on my big girl panties and suck it up because the end result will be entirely worth every second!

Hormones, Why Yes I Do Remember You!

Today we upped my Estrogen. I'm on a simple patch and I love it. It's a little sticker called the Vivelle Dot and you put it below your belly button, but above the pubic area, and switch it out every other day. Now if all meds could be this simple... haha

18 more days until our transfer! I can't believe the countdown is now in the teens! I'm so excited and hopeful that baby will stick. I'm also very anxious about taking tests. I have been reading stories of other surrogates and how they delivered the good news. I know my IPs are very realistic, so faint positives will be fantastic, while they won't put all their eggs in one basket until we see a dark, very BIG FAT positive. And I absolutely love that about them. They are so involved. I specifically asked for a family that would be involved, and be AS involved as they wanted to be. I love hands-on experience. It definitely makes for a more personal experience. So speaking of reading about other stories, I've also read about some birth plans, and I have to say, I really hope there isn't an emergency where my IPs can't be there and they can get exactly what they as wishing for. But that is for more of a future thought. Nothing to be thinking about now.

I've noticed these hormones starting to get the best of me at times. One thing I can say I don't miss about pregnancy. With my first, I was pregnant with my sister and we lived together. You can only imagine how hormonal our home was haha But having her there with me was an amazing experience. I specifically remember I had cried over slurped spaghetti and she had cried over a loud motorcycle driving by that interrupted her talking. We lived by the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book. We would constantly ask each other questions about milestones such as "did you feel baby move yet" or "How's that heartburn going?". We had and still do have an amazing realtionship and even though we live quite a distance away, we still are up each other's butts with questions and stories and looking back at memories... and I wouldn't have it any other way...

So there I go rambling on and on about something not entirely related again... or maybe I can turn this INTO something related... hmmmm

So just how I had my sister asking me questions (since I was 2 months ahead of her), I'm hoping maybe my IM will be as open and comfortable with asking me as many questions as she would like to be answered. Since this is our first surrogacy experience together, I'm hoping it's a huge learning and joyous ride for us both. I'm excited to see what new things will happen and the differences from my own pregnancies, if any. Such a thrilling thought.... can't wait.

Non Pregnancy Cravings

So today was completely crazy. But beside it all, I had an amazing peace about everything. The dark hair idea is sinking in. The damage is already done, so to speak.

I had some issues with some more hiccups I'm the road again. Waiting for some calls tomorrow.

On another note, the prescription toothpaste I've waited 4 days to come in at the pharmacy...didn't. Tried to go to another pharmacy and was told they wouldn't be able to order it either. After feeling completely hopeless, my lovely dentist locates a pharmacy that has it and I will have it tomorrow. Yippee! Can't wait to get in the right direction with this sensitivity before the pregnancy and having the baby/babies taking all my nutrients from my teeth and hurting it more. Looking forward and thinking positive for the future.

So today I had a huge craving. No pregnancy yet and I'm getting cravings. I badly wanted blueberries. I bought some blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries. It was a lovely mix and it did wonderful a to satisfy that craving. I hope my future baby cravings are as healthy

"It Doesn't Matter if You're Black or White..."

...hair! Get it? Haha yes Michael Jackson seemed completely appropriate when referencing to a change in color. His words are always so wise... But that's a bit off topic. Yesterday I had a very emotional and hormonal day where I cried and was sad most of the day. I finally find a color I like and feel suits me an makes me feel happy, beautiful, and all around complete, and then I need to go back to basics. Seems my IPs are not ok with hair dye because of the toxic chemicals and I am completely understanding their view on that. The docs say it is safe to do after 1st trimester but they are not willing to risk anything and I completely respect that. I've also witnessed docs say that narcotics are safe during pregnancy but only by default that there is not enough research to say that it is in fact harmful... So with that said... Doc doesn't always know best. So I did some research on some all natural, all herbal hair coloring products that use henna, roots, extracts, and one even contained coffee powder (this one specific brand I looked into). I thought it was a great suggestion and alternative and compromise and since it isn't toxic chemicals, there wouldn't be harmful fumes to be breathing in and it's all good things. Nope. That's a no go either.... SOOOOOOOO I had no choice but to change my color. I'm not exactly thrilled but I completely understand the outcome. I'm just not sure I can be happy like this. It's only the day after so I will have to have time to feel better about it. I'm already feeling slightly better than yesterday so I'm hopeful that the acceptance and happiness will slowly creep it's way back into my days. I just need to remember that the outcome will be such a wonderful blessing to them in the end and need to keep that in mind. 2 people have posted things yesterday that I'm going to share with you. Not knowing my struggles yesterday, they were such a blessing to me. Definitely God's work if you ask me. So the first one was from a lovely lady I know on Instagram that is also cycling close to me with her treatments. It says "never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about." Such truth. Ever since I have met my wonderful IPs, there has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought of them and their baby/babies. I think and hope and pray for them. I really would love for God to use me to help them make their family a little more complete. If it is not His will to happen with my IPs, if something should occur, then it's His will and who am I to argue and be mad. He may have bigger plans for them. But I'm praying to does work with them. We generally get along so well and have a great deal in common, so it seems like a good match. Anyhow... I'm straying off again... The second thing posted was a friend of mine on Facebook. She posted a fortune cookie paper that read "do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest." We had a couple hiccups in the very beginning process and it has gotten better. We are still in the beginning, so I have faith that once the stress is slowing down, it will be a bit easier.

CONTRACT-ual

Yes oh yes. I caught glimpse of the contract finally. It was SUPPOSED to have the ammendments added, but of course does not. AND IT'S FRIDAY! I need to wait ALL LONG WEEKEND before I can call on monday to try to situate things. My IM is so completely understanding and I love her to pieces. I was texting her as I was reading to ask her questions. I love how no matter how much I text her, she seems to feel I'm never a bother... even after 11 pm lol. LOVE THAT WOMAN :) So yes... back on topic... contract! Most all looks great except our specialties are not added in there and I may need to be asking to do some slight ammending myself on just ONE thing. It's not even a huge deal to most, but it makes a HUGE difference to me so I'm needing to speak with my representing attorney about that but yet again... IT'S FRIDAY! It's going to bug me ALL weekend I'm SURE if it! So when I spoke with one of the ladies at the office, she did say that the copy of the contract she sent me may not include the ammendments while they are waiting for the ammendments that need to be added. So either they have not gotten them, or they just haven't added them yet. I would just hate to prolong this even more. WHY WEEKEND WHHHHHHHHHY DO YOU NEED TO REAR YOUR UGLY HEAD AND GET IN MY WAY!?!

Suppression Check... CHECK!

Yesterday's suppression check went well. I had a call with blood work results before I even got home! And of course they told me right then and there about the ultra sound. I absolutely love all the staff there. My RE isn't a "know-it-all" or arrogant doctor even though he's been practicing for over 30 years. My IVF nurse is super positive and always has a smile on her face. It's just such a pleasant place to be. I really can't even wait until my next appointment on the 28th.

I'm still on the same dosage of Lupron. And have now added estrogen. A super convenient sticker-like patch that goes below my belly button. My IVF nurse even mentioned writing the day I put it on, on the patch so I remember when to change it. She even tried to calm my fears about the progesterone by telling me to numb the area with ice packs first and I won't feel a thing. I'm not sure I WON'T be feeling all 1 1/2 inches on the needle that goes into the muscle, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

So after my blood work, I was given some gauze and a brandade. Right after I was brought the the ultra sound room and as I walked in the room my IVF nurse says "oh looks like you've lost your clot. Let me clean that up for you". I look down and my gauze is drenched and blood is dripping down my arm. Good old baby aspirin. Guess you can tell I'm taking my meds :)

I'm still waiting on those final touches from the contract to get done. We were supposed to be done by Dec 30 when I started lupron. But then things needed to be changed. My IM wanted to add some things in the contract that we spoke about. So as far as I know we are waiting on her attorney to get all the final changes into the contract so I can do the final review. I'm the type of person that likes all my ducks in a row and I consider early to be on time, on time to be late and late to be unacceptable. So this whole this is really bothering me but I'm trying to keep my patience and cool about it all.

Anyway.... My IM and I are so excited about the transfer coming up so quickly. Not quick enough, if you ask me (...and her) haha. 24 more days until we do our transfer (if there are no hold-ups). Yes I am counting down...! This is so exciting!

Lovely Lupron

I spoke with the RE office (well technically my IVF nurse) yesterday. She is so great! She was just checking on me, even though she has already sent me a schedule of my meds, to make sure I'm on track with stopping and starting meds and making sure I don't have any questions.

Speaking of meds, the lupron... Yeah, that stuff. This past week or so I've been pressing the needle up against my belly and saying my "1, 2, 3... ENTER NAME HERE" but just decided that I was going to try the "just doing it" approach. Let me tell you... Way less anxiety and I literally felt nothing! I just did a quick jab and it was done. Completely painless. As opposed to feeling a small pinch the slow way. I'm definitely remembering this for my progesterone. JUST DO IT!

And also on the lupron note, I spoke too soon about so far not having unpleasant side effects. All day and all night yesterday I had hot flashes and there's just about no relief in the south, even in Jan. boy oh boy I hope today is a better day

New Year...New Beginnings

Today is Jan 6th! 1 whole successful week on the Lupron and first day off of the birth control pills. I have my suppression check this upcoming week. I'm having no seriously bothersome sound effects which is amazing! I'm feeling great and I can't wait for my next step. I'm on to starting my estrogen in later on this week! This month sure is going to fly by and I can't wait to see my IPs again!

I have no apprehension so far about this month. I'm really excited about our transfer coming up! I'm hoping we can find a really healthy embryo and have success the first time. I think the only thing I have a little anxiety about would be the notorious progesterone shots. I haven't heard anything good about them yet.... SOOOOOOO.... here's to hoping to don't pass out on my volunteer needle givers haha I'm feeling sorry for them already and it's not even coming up too soon yet.

Keep on Keeping on...

We just got back from travels from the holidays and I'm pooped, and sick, and sore. But I'm super excited because January is a busy month of schedules for me. I've already started my Lupron and in a little over a week's time I will be starting my estrogen. Two doctor's appointments with the RE this month as well before we do our transfer. Just thinking about it gets me all excited. I honestly am so gitty. I just know I won't be able to contain myself after the transfer, waiting for results. But for now, I'm just thinking of passing the time and keeping myself busy. It will be here before we know it! :)