Non Pregnancy Cravings

So today was completely crazy. But beside it all, I had an amazing peace about everything. The dark hair idea is sinking in. The damage is already done, so to speak.

I had some issues with some more hiccups I'm the road again. Waiting for some calls tomorrow.

On another note, the prescription toothpaste I've waited 4 days to come in at the pharmacy...didn't. Tried to go to another pharmacy and was told they wouldn't be able to order it either. After feeling completely hopeless, my lovely dentist locates a pharmacy that has it and I will have it tomorrow. Yippee! Can't wait to get in the right direction with this sensitivity before the pregnancy and having the baby/babies taking all my nutrients from my teeth and hurting it more. Looking forward and thinking positive for the future.

So today I had a huge craving. No pregnancy yet and I'm getting cravings. I badly wanted blueberries. I bought some blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries. It was a lovely mix and it did wonderful a to satisfy that craving. I hope my future baby cravings are as healthy

"It Doesn't Matter if You're Black or White..."

...hair! Get it? Haha yes Michael Jackson seemed completely appropriate when referencing to a change in color. His words are always so wise... But that's a bit off topic. Yesterday I had a very emotional and hormonal day where I cried and was sad most of the day. I finally find a color I like and feel suits me an makes me feel happy, beautiful, and all around complete, and then I need to go back to basics. Seems my IPs are not ok with hair dye because of the toxic chemicals and I am completely understanding their view on that. The docs say it is safe to do after 1st trimester but they are not willing to risk anything and I completely respect that. I've also witnessed docs say that narcotics are safe during pregnancy but only by default that there is not enough research to say that it is in fact harmful... So with that said... Doc doesn't always know best. So I did some research on some all natural, all herbal hair coloring products that use henna, roots, extracts, and one even contained coffee powder (this one specific brand I looked into). I thought it was a great suggestion and alternative and compromise and since it isn't toxic chemicals, there wouldn't be harmful fumes to be breathing in and it's all good things. Nope. That's a no go either.... SOOOOOOOO I had no choice but to change my color. I'm not exactly thrilled but I completely understand the outcome. I'm just not sure I can be happy like this. It's only the day after so I will have to have time to feel better about it. I'm already feeling slightly better than yesterday so I'm hopeful that the acceptance and happiness will slowly creep it's way back into my days. I just need to remember that the outcome will be such a wonderful blessing to them in the end and need to keep that in mind. 2 people have posted things yesterday that I'm going to share with you. Not knowing my struggles yesterday, they were such a blessing to me. Definitely God's work if you ask me. So the first one was from a lovely lady I know on Instagram that is also cycling close to me with her treatments. It says "never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about." Such truth. Ever since I have met my wonderful IPs, there has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought of them and their baby/babies. I think and hope and pray for them. I really would love for God to use me to help them make their family a little more complete. If it is not His will to happen with my IPs, if something should occur, then it's His will and who am I to argue and be mad. He may have bigger plans for them. But I'm praying to does work with them. We generally get along so well and have a great deal in common, so it seems like a good match. Anyhow... I'm straying off again... The second thing posted was a friend of mine on Facebook. She posted a fortune cookie paper that read "do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest." We had a couple hiccups in the very beginning process and it has gotten better. We are still in the beginning, so I have faith that once the stress is slowing down, it will be a bit easier.

CONTRACT-ual

Yes oh yes. I caught glimpse of the contract finally. It was SUPPOSED to have the ammendments added, but of course does not. AND IT'S FRIDAY! I need to wait ALL LONG WEEKEND before I can call on monday to try to situate things. My IM is so completely understanding and I love her to pieces. I was texting her as I was reading to ask her questions. I love how no matter how much I text her, she seems to feel I'm never a bother... even after 11 pm lol. LOVE THAT WOMAN :) So yes... back on topic... contract! Most all looks great except our specialties are not added in there and I may need to be asking to do some slight ammending myself on just ONE thing. It's not even a huge deal to most, but it makes a HUGE difference to me so I'm needing to speak with my representing attorney about that but yet again... IT'S FRIDAY! It's going to bug me ALL weekend I'm SURE if it! So when I spoke with one of the ladies at the office, she did say that the copy of the contract she sent me may not include the ammendments while they are waiting for the ammendments that need to be added. So either they have not gotten them, or they just haven't added them yet. I would just hate to prolong this even more. WHY WEEKEND WHHHHHHHHHY DO YOU NEED TO REAR YOUR UGLY HEAD AND GET IN MY WAY!?!

Suppression Check... CHECK!

Yesterday's suppression check went well. I had a call with blood work results before I even got home! And of course they told me right then and there about the ultra sound. I absolutely love all the staff there. My RE isn't a "know-it-all" or arrogant doctor even though he's been practicing for over 30 years. My IVF nurse is super positive and always has a smile on her face. It's just such a pleasant place to be. I really can't even wait until my next appointment on the 28th.

I'm still on the same dosage of Lupron. And have now added estrogen. A super convenient sticker-like patch that goes below my belly button. My IVF nurse even mentioned writing the day I put it on, on the patch so I remember when to change it. She even tried to calm my fears about the progesterone by telling me to numb the area with ice packs first and I won't feel a thing. I'm not sure I WON'T be feeling all 1 1/2 inches on the needle that goes into the muscle, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

So after my blood work, I was given some gauze and a brandade. Right after I was brought the the ultra sound room and as I walked in the room my IVF nurse says "oh looks like you've lost your clot. Let me clean that up for you". I look down and my gauze is drenched and blood is dripping down my arm. Good old baby aspirin. Guess you can tell I'm taking my meds :)

I'm still waiting on those final touches from the contract to get done. We were supposed to be done by Dec 30 when I started lupron. But then things needed to be changed. My IM wanted to add some things in the contract that we spoke about. So as far as I know we are waiting on her attorney to get all the final changes into the contract so I can do the final review. I'm the type of person that likes all my ducks in a row and I consider early to be on time, on time to be late and late to be unacceptable. So this whole this is really bothering me but I'm trying to keep my patience and cool about it all.

Anyway.... My IM and I are so excited about the transfer coming up so quickly. Not quick enough, if you ask me (...and her) haha. 24 more days until we do our transfer (if there are no hold-ups). Yes I am counting down...! This is so exciting!

Lovely Lupron

I spoke with the RE office (well technically my IVF nurse) yesterday. She is so great! She was just checking on me, even though she has already sent me a schedule of my meds, to make sure I'm on track with stopping and starting meds and making sure I don't have any questions.

Speaking of meds, the lupron... Yeah, that stuff. This past week or so I've been pressing the needle up against my belly and saying my "1, 2, 3... ENTER NAME HERE" but just decided that I was going to try the "just doing it" approach. Let me tell you... Way less anxiety and I literally felt nothing! I just did a quick jab and it was done. Completely painless. As opposed to feeling a small pinch the slow way. I'm definitely remembering this for my progesterone. JUST DO IT!

And also on the lupron note, I spoke too soon about so far not having unpleasant side effects. All day and all night yesterday I had hot flashes and there's just about no relief in the south, even in Jan. boy oh boy I hope today is a better day

New Year...New Beginnings

Today is Jan 6th! 1 whole successful week on the Lupron and first day off of the birth control pills. I have my suppression check this upcoming week. I'm having no seriously bothersome sound effects which is amazing! I'm feeling great and I can't wait for my next step. I'm on to starting my estrogen in later on this week! This month sure is going to fly by and I can't wait to see my IPs again!

I have no apprehension so far about this month. I'm really excited about our transfer coming up! I'm hoping we can find a really healthy embryo and have success the first time. I think the only thing I have a little anxiety about would be the notorious progesterone shots. I haven't heard anything good about them yet.... SOOOOOOO.... here's to hoping to don't pass out on my volunteer needle givers haha I'm feeling sorry for them already and it's not even coming up too soon yet.

Keep on Keeping on...

We just got back from travels from the holidays and I'm pooped, and sick, and sore. But I'm super excited because January is a busy month of schedules for me. I've already started my Lupron and in a little over a week's time I will be starting my estrogen. Two doctor's appointments with the RE this month as well before we do our transfer. Just thinking about it gets me all excited. I honestly am so gitty. I just know I won't be able to contain myself after the transfer, waiting for results. But for now, I'm just thinking of passing the time and keeping myself busy. It will be here before we know it! :)