No News is Good News... Right...?

I called the attorney today to see if they had found out any word since it has been about a month of no word or decision from my IPs. They said they have heard from them. They had some personal issues they needed to get past first and haven't much discussed it because of it. So basically... no news. But that's can't be ALL bad right? No news is good news... right? It's just killing me waiting, on the edge of my seat, hoping every day that goes by, I may have that call from the attorney, the RE office, or even my IPs themselves with a decision. A lot of women in my Fertility Family are at the point of taking at home tests and getting their BETAs and ultrasounds. It saddens me a bit to feel like at this point, I would have already had my BETAs and we should be going to our first ultrasounds around now-ish. I'm extremely happy for everyone that is progressing in their journeys, I'm just a little down that right at the last possible second, our journey had been called off and now a month later, I'm left hanging here not knowing at all what our future in this journey will be. I'm rooting for my IF and his desire to continue, and empathize with all the heartache my IM is feeling. I just deep down feel as though, they have detached themselves from me emotionally this past month since I have not heard a word at all, and that is completely not usual for us. My attorney says not to text them and to let them come around when they feel comfortable, but this past month has been killing me. I've been aching to at least send a text their way to let them know they are in my thoughts. I guess only time will tell. I will try to keep myself busy in the meantime to help the time pass a little quicker. It's been excruciatingly slow, like watching paint dry. But no news can be good news... right???

3 Week Update

It's been exactly 3 weeks from the date of the bad news. I don't have much of an update. I still haven't heard from my IPs, my IVF nurse, or my attorney with any new informations. As of right now, all I know of is that my IPs are still trying to come to an agreement on trying again or not. I'm still hoping to hear from them. Each and every day that passes, each and every time my phone rings, I hope and pray they have made a decision and are at peace with the decision they came up with.

Hope

I guess things happen for a reason. I'm so glad I didn't have to be sick and pregnant for today. I've been trying to remain positive today since it is the 2 year anniversary of the day one of my sweet, talented, hilarious, amazing best friends lost her battle with leukemia and earned her angel wings. Seeing the posts on her Facebook of others saying they miss her and me going through old photos of her or photos she took (photography was her passion), I can't help but be overwhelmed with tears. I remember her telling me when she was pregnant with her 3rd baby and her husband and her goofing about how they were going to have 10 babies. She was one of the most amazing mothers I have ever met. This is to you my sweet angel who never gave up hope while fighting cancer and holding on to hope of beating it and holding her precious baby... And to other amazing mothers, moms-to-be, fur baby moms, step-moms, aspiring moms... Don't ever give up hope. And just because things don't turn out how you planned, doesn't mean your journey or story didn't touch someone's life, or that it was in vain. Just as some of you may not have things go exactly as planned, God still has a plan for you. Just like our friend Cynthia. She planned on beating cancer, holding her baby Deklin, and being with her family in her happily ever after. She does hold her baby Deklin, but up in heaven as she smiles and watches down on all her loved ones.

When There is a Desire...

It's been a while since I've updated my blog. There have been a few reasons for this. But I apologize to anyone that reads that has been wondering what was going on.

As I mentioned in my last post, we got some bad news on Saturday (almost 2 weeks ago) that the embryos didn't make it. And today would have been the day i went in for my BETA. We have all been saddened and heart broken by this news. My IPs are at a disagreement at this time. One of the is so distraught that they don't want to endure that again, while the other wants to try at least once more soon. If both can get on the same page soon, I will know where I'm going but for now I will be in limbo waiting to hear from them. I know it is not an easy decision and definitely not one that needs to be rushed. If they choose to try again, I will gladly try again, however, if they decide that one more try is not what they wish to do, I will be sad they gave up so close to their dream, but respect their decision.

These past almost 2 weeks have gotten through with kind words from C and P (2 lovely ladies from my fertility family). One rooting me on and the other reminding me that it happens and it will all be ok in the end, and that this should be a time to "pamper" myself. I have to constantly remind myself that if they choose for this to be the end of their journey, it most certainly isn't the end of mine. I will move on to helping another family become complete. Pink's "Try" lyrics keep playing over and over in my head... "Where there is a desire, there's gonna be a flame. Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned. But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die. You gotta get up and try, and try, and try..."

Mourning

I have been keeping myself busy hoping to pass the time so the transfer date could come sooner. Well I just got an upsetting phone call from my ivf nurse maybe an hour ago with the news. All them embryos didn't make it and the transfer was cancelled. I'm deeply saddened for my IPs. I haven't spoken with them yet. Not to be confused with me not caring...I want to how them time to mourn and heal before making a decision on moving forward and I feel talking about it too soon may only make those wounds just a little deeper and hurt just a little more. This horrible news has had me in tears and I'm just ready to go to bed and hope this is all an awful dream I will wake up from. I hope this doesn't knock them down and burry their home and dreams of completing their family. I'm still there for them no matter how many tries it takes. I just want to say, if you're out there and maybe are reading this, I love you guys so much and I am here for you. Keep your heads up.